The soothing sound of waves crashing the shore surround me as the sea breeze keeps me dry. I should be sweating like a lover in this heat, but all I’m thinking about is the first taste of salt water that will kiss my lips soon. I can feel the perspiration beginning to form along my forehead as the sun roasts me like a Bic, but I’ve got all day and a life to kill.
I might as well get started
The water always feels frigid right as my feet fully submerge themselves into the suds along the shore. As I keep walking in, I begin to feel the chills shooting through my legs and up my spine right as the water begins applying the ice to my nuts. Yet, there is something so therapeutic in that moment when I stand still, hesitating, before launching my whole body into the wet unknown. Once I make the decision to disturb the rippling peace, I still close my eyes and hold my nose closed like a child before I roll myself into the water head first.
It is in this space where I truly believe I am alone. This is my opportunity to hide from the entire world; for even God’s own eyes must be hidden from this darkness within the sea.
My body ascends to the surface where I will make my re-entry to the stage known as life. However, I will have to swim against the current as long as it takes to make it back.
I will make it
I’ve been chasing myths my entire life. I always insist on doing everything the hard way. Maybe, on some level, it is the challenge itself that drives me to want to be successful and ultimately where I will hang my hat.
I bring the weight of the world with me everywhere I go. The pain is real. I’m learning how to channel it into creativity better so the negativity can be used to restore the balance.
Yet, the ever so elusive life, love and happiness remains a puzzle to me
I will keep swimming though, my heart races as my breath shortens. I can feel my arms slicing through the ocean with every fistful of determination coursing through my veins. This is what the chase is all about: man versus mind; willpower versus nature. The perseverance becomes my preservation of sanity; my thoughts become my only company.
I’ve learned a broken heart only crumbles when you try to glue it back together. By pouring out love to those who don’t want it, I am still only delaying the inevitable. Yet, I stumble so easy when I fall; only to be reassured I’m finally in the right hands. My heart has finally found it’s home.
Then the house burns down
Fueled by judgment and hatred as I can feel her getting ready to run while pushing me away. I’m left shattered time and time again. I’ll always have love to give but nobody ever seems to actually want it. I’ve learned love is a curse coming from me; not a gift.
I’ve been here before but I’m not so sure I’ll let myself get here ever again…
I’m done chasing myths. From now on, I’ll be dancing with myself until I can one day taste the salt splashing upon my lips when feeling the warmth of the sun upon my back.
I will swim against this current no matter how strong it is. I will find myself again and again. I will find comfort within the number one.
Cheers
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Black on black in the Charger I’m creepin’ Rub me the right way, you might get a genie B.o.B, black Houdini